i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
