sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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