and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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