k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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