Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
