so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
