Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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