then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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