I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
