Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
