Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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