I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
