Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
