I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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