It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How naked do you want me to be?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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