I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
