My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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