I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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