So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
