it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
