All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
