woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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