Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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