I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
