Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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