i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
All the doctor said was why
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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