Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
