At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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