I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
