The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You ruined the universe
Randomize
