and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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