bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
