Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
