Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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