Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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