I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
