Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
All the doctor said was why
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
