I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
