I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
