so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
