I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He passed out mid-signature
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
