The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
