Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
