Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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