I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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