so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
