loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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