TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
This baby is an asshole
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
