sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
