Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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