Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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