What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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