hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
