dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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