question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
