If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
