Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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