god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
